Disorders
by f3296
Summary: How does one deal with the pain of being different? Different in a way that sometimes can't be fixed. A four part story of the brothers and their disorders
1. Schizophrenia

I wake up, like any other day. My room is so dark, like always is. I get up and walk to the kitchen. I don't remember walking down the stairs.

_Worthless_

I grab a cup and open the fridge to see the orange juice. I grab it and pour it in my cup.

_Don't do it. You're pathetic._

I see that Donnie left my bottle on the table for me to take. It was half empty but still enough to last me the day.

_Don't take it. It's poison. They're trying to kill you._

My hand twitches trying to grab the bottle. I can't. I'm too afraid.

_Don't be stupid. You're a waste of space. Worthless._

I end up walking away to the living room. I see the T.V is already on. Who turned it on?

"In other news, there was a shooting on 14th street and central."

_Don't listen to him. He's lying. He is trying to kill you._

"In news on weather, a snow storm is coming. And it's coming for you Mikey." It's talking to me, the man in the box.

_Its coming! You have to run! Don't be dumb!_

I heard the phone ring.

_No don't answer it. You are so worthless. So pathetic. Don't!_

But I do. I answer the phone and I hear static, lots of it.

"M..Mi-. I-...Apr-" I think it was April. But the static started to grow louder and louder. I heard something through the static.

_"I'm coming_." I couldn't seem to toss the phone fast enough. The second I did I heard a loud bang. So loud I cringed. I look and see the lair door shaking. Something was trying to get in.

_Run away! Run away now! Don't just stand there you fool! They will catch you. They know who you are._

I run away. I find myself in the kitchen again. This time there was a pizza box on the table. I heard my stomach growl.

_Don't open you fool. You pathetic waste of space. So worthless._

I opened it. It was a large cheese pizza. It looked so good. But it started to bubble. The steam started to emerge from the cheese. I heard its laughter.

_So stupid. So pathetic._

The pounding grew louder. I heard a sudden scream so piercing I had to cover my ears. But it wasn't enough. It got louder. I started to scream. I couldn't hear myself. I slid down to the floor. I curled into a ball. I just wanted it to stop. They were yelling at me. The doors shaking. I can't trust them. None of them!

_So stupid. So pathetic. You're worthless. Don't trust them. Don't trust any of them!_

"Mikey!" I gasped, looking up I see Donnie, looking at me with worry.

"Mikey what happened? He asked me. I couldn't speak. I just kept staring. The sounds, the voices they stopped for now. I watched as Donnie looked at me, then looked up on the counter then back at me and smiled.

"You didn't take your medication today did you?" He asked. The voices told me no. How could I? It was a trap. They told me so. He padded my shoulder.

"It's okay little brother. You'll be fine."

I didn't understand much, but I understood that was a lie.

A/N: Another short drabble junkies I am doing because I am procrastinating on Perfect Student. I promise it's like half way done I'm just being super lazy about it XD This is a 4 part story about the brothers and their disorders. This was Michelangelo and his was Schizophrenia. I hope you enjoyed!


	2. Bi-Polar

_People with bipolar disorder have difficulty with boundaries._

* * *

I never was the one to understand what its like to be different. I don't adapt all that well. Even in my own skin I can't seem to figure out to adapt.

It was always so strange. It didn't matter what I was doing or where I was, I would change. Drastically. One minute, I'll be in a great mood. I'll be swinging on vines and just..I'll be happy.

But then, something just..changes. I don't know I guess you can say I lose myself a bit. Or one of myselfs. I guess. I just don't get it. Especially right now.

I was beating this guy, a Purple Dragon. This shmuck decides he's gonna try and rob a little ol' lady. I couldn't let that happen could I? So I do something about it. I take him away from the lady and start pounding on him.

How I love fighting. It's great. I'm good at it. At first it was a lot of fun. Ya know, pounding him again over and over again. I couldn't help but to laugh. It's been too long since the last time I had this kind of freedom. With freaking Leo keeping me underground recently I haven't had any fresh air recently. And this air was good. Especially the squishing noise I was hearing, the quiet slapping noise. God how I missed this.

"Please stop! Have mercy!" Why stop now? I'm having so much fun! The guy wasn't making so much noise now. It was pretty great. God why did Leo ever lock me up at home?! This was fantastic! Breathtaking Donnie would say.

"Raph!" This is when things take a turn. I lick my lips and turn around to see that Fearless leader standing there. He was always so strict. It was like that scowl was permanently on his face. He never let me have fun. Ever.

So I drop the dirtbag. He didn't even make a sound when he thumped on the floor. Great. Big bro coming in a taking out all the fun. Fantastic. Then, this feeling will come in. It's so random and I know I really shouldn't be feeling it but it comes. Anger.

I was always known for having a bad temper, but its more then that. I can't sleep sometimes. I don't know I guess I'm paranoid when I sleep. And whenever Mikey tries to make a stupid joke, I'll try and rip his throat out. And if Donnie tries to talk to me, well, I just put the Sai to my own throat.

That was another thing I guess that kind of scared me. This world just sometimes feels too small. I don't really know how else to feel about it. It was just...open...too open sometimes I just can't seem to understand how to handle it. Donnie gave me these pills one time. God what a fucking asshole. Never have I felt so enclosed. Like I wasn't suffocated enough by my family or by the damn lair. No, now I get to feel closed inside. The only place I felt a little free. So I stopped taking them.

But the deal was if I took them I can go on the nightly runs with the rest of my bros. When Master Splinter found out I wasn't taking them no more, he told me I was to stay in the Lair at all times. God fuck man! Why can't I win ever? I just wanna be out! I wanna do what I'm good at! So what if what I do is a little unorthodox or I'm a little too head strong sometimes? I'm a free spirit what can I say?

"Leo! Just in time bro! How about we finish this guy off eh?" I tried to be bright, smiling largely. But Leo wasn't smiling. Not one bit.

"Raph..It's time to go home." That wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"Bro I'm having fun-"

"You just killed a man Raph." He said quietly. Did I? I looked back to see the pile of mush I left. Heh, I guess I did.

"I didn't mean to." I said with a shrug.

"You don't mean to kill any of them but you do." Leo told me. "We have to go home."

"No I ain't going anywhere I'm having fun!" Oh he was pissing me off now.

"Raph don't argue with me. Just..stay calm and lets go home." That stupid face, that stupid tone in his words stupid home stupid! Stupid! STUPID! I didn't wanna hear Leo anymore I didn't wanna go I just wanna..wanna...ack! I don't know what I want!

I really didn't realize when I threw my Sai at Leo and neither did he till it was sticking out of his shell. I pierced his freaking heart.

"I told you! You just couldn't let me have some fun could you!" I yelled at him. Dammit I was crying. Fuck I was crying a lot. God there was blood. He kept gasping something I couldn't really understand it. Just I don't understand anything! He couldn't just leave me alone for once! Just...let..me breathe!

I stood there, the rain fell. The world felt small again. I felt calm for a moment. I looked down at my brother. I think he was sleeping. Pretty sure he was sleeping. I didn't feel like disturbing him. So, I left. I left because I didn't like that area anymore. This world was too big. This world will be too much for me someday.

* * *

_**A/N: I thought this little 4 shot was going to die but I have had so many people requesting me to update it so here I am! This one is based off of Bi-polar disorder. I thought this would fit Raph because of his anger. Anger and Bi-polar disorder play hand and hand with each other so why not?**_

_**ALSO! If you guys don't read my story "the perfect student" Three of my stories were nominated for the stealthystories competition!**_

_**Mother for best Michelangelo**_

_**Judgement for best Leonardo**_

_**and Faceless Fear for best Horror!**_

_**So check them out and vote my loyal reviewers and I promise this next update should take as long as this one did!**_

_**Till next time!-F**_


	3. OCD

The clock struck midnight but nothing was complete. Nothing was correct it was all still so scattered. I was at my desk, like I turn to every few hours or so to notice that the pencils were always slightly moved, slightly tilted in a direction I didn't have them in before. It was infuriating because it all had to be perfect, organized, _clean._ It's moments like this when I think back to my childhood, remembering how messy my brothers and I were. How uncontrollable our environment was and everything was around us. My machines, now coded in the order they were produced, hung by size and weight. My files alphabetically ordered and clean. _Clean_. It all has to stay clean and crisp.

It started out like that, just my machines. I woke up one morning needing some type of control of my environment and I was able to control the construction of my designs and the placements they needed to be in. I had them organized for the first time in my life. I was so happy.

I don't build as much because of the lack of cleanliness it comes when creating new creations. But it was okay because my workspace was spotless. Everything had a code, a color, and a letter to it so I knew exactly where it belonged and where it would stay.

I had control over my machines. Now, I have a new control.

I was just getting so hard to live with my brothers and the way they lived their lives. Michelangelo leaving crumbs of food everywhere he went. Raphael sweating and leaving stains on the floor. Leonardo, cutting up the boards when they were so precise. Father, spilling his tea because of his old tender hands.

I couldn't take it. Not anymore. They were not precise; they were not in my line of cleanliness and order. They were destroying my order.

So I changed that. After washing my hands for the 15th time today, seeing the scales peeling from my skin, I put on my gloves and made my way to the dojo where they were.

Leonardo in perfect form. Katana in hand, knees spread, muscles tensed. Raphael having both Sais in hand. One facing away one facing forward in front of Leo ready for a brawl. Michelangelo nun chucks hanging from both hands. Knee up to his chest and smile on his face. Master Splinter sitting on his mat, eyes closed, head bowed. All of it was perfect.

I took out the sponge I had in my belt and walked up to Leonardo. With slight touch, I smoothed out the wax as it was starting to clump. Looking up, I saw him eyeing me. How he was still alive after days of being in the wax was astonishing to me. I walked in front of him, his eyes following me. I had to have them follow me till they were aligned with the door. That way, when he did die, it would stay the direction I wanted them to be.

"You are all so perfect" I said with a smile. I heard him grunt, making the noise he could with his mouth closed shut. I simply smiled and walked out, hearing the slight sounds from my eldest brother. I walked straight to the restroom and looked at myself. I was seeing the misplacements, the imperfections. I was seeing a problem. Piece by piece I tore off the scales of my face.

I needed my perfection. I needed my world to be clean.


End file.
